Sexual Violence

“When I told my mother what my step-father had been doing to me over the years, she told me I was lying, and that we would never speak about it again.  Later that day, she made me sit down and apologize to my stepfather.  Why would a 7 year-old lie about something so horrible?  At age 14 I ran away from home, was gang-raped and got involved in an abusive relationship, because at the time, those things seemed like a better alternative.  No one cared to connect the dots.  Though I still hold to the truth, my mother still holds the hand of the taker of my childhood innocence.  Resentful?  How could I not be?” M, Flourishing and Strong Survivor of Childhood and Adult Sexual Violence

What is Sexual Violence?
Sexual Violence is any unwanted sexual activity, including:

• Inappropriate Touching
• Vaginal, Anal or Oral Penetration
• Attempted Sexual Intercourse
• Sexual Activity Involving a Minor
• Voyeurism (Someone watching sexual activity without consent or the other persons knowledge)
• Exhibitionism (Someone exposing themselves, or performing sexual acts in public)
• Incest (Sexual Activity Among Family Members)
• Sexual Harassment
• Drug-Facilitated Rape

Myths Regarding Sexual Violence:

• Sexual assaults are facilitated by strangers in dark alleys or parking garages.
• Rape is about passion.
• Men are never the victims of sexual violence. 
• Most sexual assaults reported, turn out to be false.
• Children lie about being raped.

Facts Regarding Sexual Violence: 

• Over 70% of sexual assault victims knew their perpetrator.
• 1 in 4 sexual assaults are facilitated in the victim’s own home, with the next likely place being the home of a friend or acquaintance.
• Sexual Violence is about power and used as a weapon to hurt, shame or disrespect another individual.  Consider how sexual violence is used in wars, ethnic cleansings, gangs and domestic violence.
• Rape is believed to be one of the most under reported crimes.  The FBI has reported that only 1-2% of reported rapes, are believed to be false.  This is the same rate of false reporting associated with other reported crimes.  Sexual violence can be hard to prove and prosecute.
• Only 40% of sexual assaults are believed to be reported.
• Any person, male or female, regardless of age, strength, race, class, or background, can be a victim of sexual violence.  1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
• Males who are sexually violated will commonly have an erection, even ejaculate, during a sexual assault.  In no way does this mean the assault was wanted or was enjoyable.  It is a common reaction the male body has during an assault of this nature.  Some perpetrators use this knowledge to further put blame and guilt upon their victim.  Likewise, a female victim of assault could have similar responses during an assault, if victimized by a current or former partner. 
• 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 3 girls will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18.  Children have various reasons for not reporting.  However like most victims of sexual violence, fear, shame and a feeling of guilt keep children from reporting the crime. Most disturbing is that most children sexually assaulted, are assaulted by someone living in their own home. 

“My family and friends treated my assault like a broken bone, telling me to get over it and move on.  When I closed my eyes and slept, I’d dream about the attack.  Certain scents would remind me of him.  I felt like I was going crazy.  It’s hard for me to feel safe, when someone I trusted and cared for hurt me.  I joined a support group, and found out I wasn’t alone and what I was feeling was normal.”  M, Sexual Assault Survivor

If I’ve Been Assaulted, What Can I Do?

• If Recently Consider…
• Getting to a Safe Place
• Seeking Medical Treatment
• Preserve anything associated with the attack such as clothing.
• As much as you may want to, do not bathe or brush your teeth.
• If you suspect being drugged, ask for a urine sample to be collected and tested.  Remember, anything you have consumed, even voluntarily, could be used for or against you in court, should charges be pursued.
• Testing for an existing pregnancy will occur during a routine exam, however if you have concerns about pregnancy as a result of the assault, you have the right to ask for an ECP (Emergency Contraceptive Pill).
• Testing for STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) can take place.  You have the right to ask for medication that will address any bacterial STDs you may have contracted from the perpetrator.
• You also have the right to ask for a Sexual Assault Forensic Exam, a rape kit, to be collected.  You may change your mind at any time during the collection of evidence, skip any portion of the collection, and may also ask the hospital to hold the kit until you decide about reporting the crime.  Though remember, for adequate evidence, it is necessary that they gather all the evidence possible, which means the kit should be completed in its entirety.  (They can hold the kit, giving you time to think about reporting the assault)
• Reporting
• Civil Protection Order
• Contacting the Local Shelter or Hotline for knowledge of your rights, referrals to appropriate services, shelter, safety planning and assistance in developing a plan of action.
• If Some Time Has Passed Since Your Assault…
• Consider Joining a Support Group
• Speaking to a Counselor
• Setting up an Appointment to be tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Possible Pregnancy, if applicable. 
• Journaling or any other Creative Outlet
• Talk to Trusted Friends
• Read Books Written for Survivors

Remember…

• It takes time to heal from a sexual assault.
• It is never your fault.
• You are not alone.
• We are here to help.

 

What Can I Do to Help Decrease My Risk?

• Trust Your Gut.  If something doesn’t feel right, or you’re concerned, listen to your intuition!
• Never leave your drink unattended, or accept open bottles.  Drug-facilitated sexual violence is on the rise.  Most drugs used cannot be seen, tasted or smelled. 
• Meet and stay in public places until you are completely comfortable with a new date. 
• Stay away from drugs and alcohol, as this can increase your risk of being victimized. 
• Check out your environment.  Do you feel safe where you’re at, or whom you are with?  Do their friends make you feel uncomfortable? 
• Use the buddy system at bars, to and from your car and on dates.